Blog entry for:

...thinking and thinking, finally deciding that i just do not have any resentments. this denial of my resentments stems from the conditioning of my addiction. although that is quite a nifty place to place blame, it is not what i am about this morning. yes it certainly is nice to shift blame, even when it is honest. as i progress through the program, and as i come to grips with what being an addict is, i find that yes i can blame, BUT the reponsibility to move beyond is totally up to me. after all, i have worked more than one FIRST STEP, and chances are i will work more than one more. accepting that i am powerless over my addiction is only the first part, after that the whole opens up, including but not limited to, living a life where i behave in a new and different manner. yes the conditioning og getting high, make seeing my resentments, character defects, shortcomings and the harm i do hard to identify. BUT the steps, my sponsor, and my trusted friends in recovery, provide me the means to break through that conditioning and work towards becoming the person i have always really wanted to be.
so anyhow, i have to run some errands and then, back to work. it is a great day to be in recovery, and my task today, as i see it, is to recognize what i can change -- namely my behaviors and my reactions -- and do whatever is necessary to foster that change.
so although there may be more that i need to share about this, this morning, i am certain that i have shared enough. it is off into the cold, cruel world for me, to face reality and see how i can do better than i did yesterday -- progress not perfection is my goal today.

∞ DT ∞