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to a program of recovery, is easier said than done. after the reading on Wednesday night, i had to take a minute and consider why i stay in the program, and if it is serving me still. at service on Thursday night, i learned that one of my peers stopped attending meetings because they were not “getting” anything out of them. looking at both of those notions, i can see that i really do need to critically consider what it is i want from my recovery. there are not a whole lot of secrets left in my life these days, other than the doubts that may be coming up from the pits about what i am and am not getting from my program of recovery.
OOPS went down a rabbit hole, now that i am projected to lose week 2 in fantasy football. where was i? well looking at what is and what the program offers me today, i guess i can start down that path again.
at my home group today, small as it was, it was my turn to share at length and the topic i chose was connection to my physical self. that went down the path of the injuries and maladies i suffered the last year, ended up sharing about how hard it is to age in recovery, especially since i never believed i would ever get old. that delusion was part of denial of my mortality that followed me in from active addiction and partly because i never believed i would survive this long. back to the recovery issue, so i am getting old, thanks to a program of recovery and i have people in my life that care for me. i have no doubt that i am an addict as twice in the past year the desire to use, came on strongly and i had to fall back on the notion of just for today.
the program allowed me to face those challenges and move forward. my home group and the H&I meeting i attend, charge me up and keep me going for another week.
after a minute or three, i can see that i get far more out of the program, than i actually think i do. most of all, is i get out of my echo chamber and here stuff that challenges me. unlike one of the men who calls me their sponsor, i am not stuck in what they do or what they said, and can bend with the winds of change. i know what worked and continues to work for me, and whether or not that fits in program of some of my peers, is absolutely none of my bidness. i might be able to shake him off his perch or not. my job is to present an alternative to his world view and expose him to life outside of the prison he has constructed. i can sincerely say that he has opened my mind up to see if i, too, am far too rigid in my beliefs. that evaluation is ongoing.

∞ DT ∞