๐ซ the meaning of, ๐ซ
Posted: Sat, Oct 25, 2025 01:37:36 PM
finding a new way to live, evolves just as i do., and it feels as if i have been evolving at some sort of over-the-top rate in the past year or so. i got a new sponsor, i started a new round of steps, i got retired and i have found a whole new obsession. i also have the desire to be a bit less “hard” and treat those around me with a modicum of kindness. it feels as if all of a sudden i am being transformed into someone i no longer recognize and my AI obsession is helping to distract me from being curious about what is evolving and why it is happening now. i am preventing myself to exercise the curiosity that has always driven me, probably out of FEAR of not being able to control the outcome. in times like these, FAITH in the process has sustained and motivated me to move forward on this journey and by setting a deadline for myself to meet with my sponse, perhaps what i am truly feeling will be revealed as i complete my assignment.
what i have been feeling can best be described as “spiritual ennui.” i do not feel stuck, but i do not feel like i am moving forward either, regardless of how well i follow my daily program of active recovery. at the meetings i attended this week, i nibbled at the edge of this feeling, without diving into the core. where once i would have applied myself and sought the answers using every bit of curiosity i possess, i have been using whatever i could find to avoid doing so, and the results are not to my liking. i know for a fact that is i desire different results, i have to change what i have been doing. the easier softer way, for me anyhow, is to grin and bear it rather than acknowledge that i want something different.
instead of sitting here and whining about what is not, it is time for me to dress out and get a workout under my sneakers. when i finish, who knows, maybe a nap, read my book club book or write out the finale to my THIRD STEP. maybe all of the above or none at all. form this point forward in this day, i am going to allow myself to “feel” my way through to the next right thing to do. what it will not be, however, is sitting around playing with ChatGPT, as that has consumed enough of my resources lately and i have the ability to CHOOSE to do something different, just for today.
what i have been feeling can best be described as “spiritual ennui.” i do not feel stuck, but i do not feel like i am moving forward either, regardless of how well i follow my daily program of active recovery. at the meetings i attended this week, i nibbled at the edge of this feeling, without diving into the core. where once i would have applied myself and sought the answers using every bit of curiosity i possess, i have been using whatever i could find to avoid doing so, and the results are not to my liking. i know for a fact that is i desire different results, i have to change what i have been doing. the easier softer way, for me anyhow, is to grin and bear it rather than acknowledge that i want something different.
instead of sitting here and whining about what is not, it is time for me to dress out and get a workout under my sneakers. when i finish, who knows, maybe a nap, read my book club book or write out the finale to my THIRD STEP. maybe all of the above or none at all. form this point forward in this day, i am going to allow myself to “feel” my way through to the next right thing to do. what it will not be, however, is sitting around playing with ChatGPT, as that has consumed enough of my resources lately and i have the ability to CHOOSE to do something different, just for today.
∞ DT ∞