Some memes

is an antidote to fear, then when i give freely, my heart is filled. i am not so sure about that, but i will certainly go with that flow and see where it may lead me this morning. at the meeting yesterday, one of my peers shared how he was having issues with the fellowship. what i heard was the isolation of him not being in the “in” group and that certainly was part of it. when i went up to him after the meeting and spoke to him one-on-one, to offer my support and let him know that i was willing to be of help, he surprised me by stating quite a different issues, altogether. it is an issue that is close to my heart and it involves the game some of my peers play of “sharing for the newcomer.” i have often said, the formula of i have years and years clean and my life is perfect, i am healed and addiction no longer has me by the balls, was one that the average newcomers sees right through. the peer i was speaking to, then said, i know it is supposed to inspire hope, but all i hear…
that may sound like a digression from the topic at hand, and perhaps it is. i was generous with my time and attention and whether or not it helped, i do not know. the type of sharing he was referring to, is not common in the meetings i attend. i have heard it many times in the past and when i was new and looking for the ways and means to get out of jail free and still use, it bothered the living shit out of me. these days, it still rankles me and i guess my only recourse is to be the one who reaches out to the addict at the edge and see if i can welcome him into the caring arms of the fellowship.
i am running late, so i will have to cut this short. my life is far from perfect. addiction may not have me by the balls, but it certainly is still a huge part of who i am and how i live my life. i am quite sure that just for today, i will get what i need, if i pay attention to the world around me, even if i do not get what i want, after all i always mix my needs up with my desires, it is just part of who i am.

∞ DT ∞