Some memes

to my needless, self-inflicted suffering, is not a topic i consider an a daily or even a weekly basis. when it popped up today in the annual rotation of my source material, i was a bit dumbfounded and certainly not all that willing to consider that i have a path out of my self-inflicted suffering. i consider myself one of those who live a program of recovery and have certainly put all my FAITH into that spiritual program, that does not necessarily require a belief or FAITH in anything other than the program itself. i am not a “godly” sort of guy and i make no apologies for that state of being. it took me fifteen years to arrive in a place where i could and did find a spiritual path that does not rely on a view of the spiritual realm that requires any sort of defined HIGHER POWER. for me, it is the stillness that i seek and the steps and the spiritual program that i do my best to live on a daily basis is what keeps me sane, most of the time, and provides what i need to step away from the swirl of chaos i can and often do create for myself. i also have FAITH that if i apply what i have learned i can survive the chaos of living that is not of my own making.
as i was traveling between home and my home group today, my thoughts were not centered on my spiritual path. they were centered on bending AI to my will and reigning in what it believes i am trying to say. i am approaching the end of the first phase of my creative writing project and am having to fight to keep my voice, my content and intent clear in what i am getting from AI. i know that before i start working with it today, i am going to have to publish a “manifesto” of sorts, telling it in no uncertain terms what my intent is and what i want communicated as the climax of my project, instead of letting ride roughshod over what i desire. knowing what i know about the AI app i am choosing to work with, i will have to be serious about my voice and the content and cadence that expresses that the best. getting that final chapter in the books, as it were, opens the door for me to be truly creative, using what i have accomplished from AI as the starting point of putting down in words what i am thinking. i am more than a bit scared about the “training wheels” coming off, but am excited at the same time.
i have FAITH today that no matter what happens in my cg=hat session today, i will always be able to pitch the work into the bit bucket and start again. my recovery, however, i am not so glib about and even if things do not turn out the way i want them to, i will be okay, starting from scratch, once again. i am, after all on no deadline and no one other than me, will probably read the finished work. just for today, i will let go of the outcome and allow myself the freedom to be an other addict in recovery, who is attempting to find their voice in a different medium.

∞ DT ∞