๐ค how well am ๐คจ
Posted: Sat, Mar 14, 2026 07:18:33 AM
i tending to my spiritual well-being? certainly an interesting question to pose on any given day. this morning, i can say, probably not as well as i am capable of, as i had issues listening to the void. i know that happens from time to time and i am way out of my normal leisure to work pattern. i know that just may be an excuse, but it might also be an explanation , as i have not missed doing any of those things that make up my spiritual fitness routine. all other things equal, that is the only change in my life, save for the desire to see if a chatbot will fuel a psychotic delusion, with which i am going to pretend to be afflicted.
i have been a bit on the “weird” side lately, at least what i feel is outside of my norm. i have not seen anything in my daily inventory that seems to indicate that i am slipping away from recovery, but i do detect a subtle change in my attitudes, especially after attending the meeting on Wednesday night. i find myself slipping into an intolerant mode as indicated by my disgust with three of my regular customers that really work my last nerve. what i heard last night was a question to myself asking why i allow them to have that much power over me. they are self-entitled, lonely and miserable people. i am not, however miserable by choice and yet when any of them walk into the shop, i instantly go to a place of being hateful and judgemental. in short, i become a miserable wretch and move into a pool of self-pity. is this a symptom of my faltering spiritual condition or just a manifestation of the part of me i call addiction? the answer to that rhetorical question is not relevant. what is relevant, is that i am asking that question and being in a state of considering how to take back my personal power.
i do need to get ready to go to work, so i will end this exercise on a high note. just for today, i can look to why i choose misery over being content, serene and free. i am worth more than manufacturing stories and scenarios that make me feel worse than i am. it certainly is a good day to be clean and to honestly attempt to keep my power, as much as possible. i am not a person who sucks off the teat of society and inflicts my misery on those around me. at least not any more!
i have been a bit on the “weird” side lately, at least what i feel is outside of my norm. i have not seen anything in my daily inventory that seems to indicate that i am slipping away from recovery, but i do detect a subtle change in my attitudes, especially after attending the meeting on Wednesday night. i find myself slipping into an intolerant mode as indicated by my disgust with three of my regular customers that really work my last nerve. what i heard last night was a question to myself asking why i allow them to have that much power over me. they are self-entitled, lonely and miserable people. i am not, however miserable by choice and yet when any of them walk into the shop, i instantly go to a place of being hateful and judgemental. in short, i become a miserable wretch and move into a pool of self-pity. is this a symptom of my faltering spiritual condition or just a manifestation of the part of me i call addiction? the answer to that rhetorical question is not relevant. what is relevant, is that i am asking that question and being in a state of considering how to take back my personal power.
i do need to get ready to go to work, so i will end this exercise on a high note. just for today, i can look to why i choose misery over being content, serene and free. i am worth more than manufacturing stories and scenarios that make me feel worse than i am. it certainly is a good day to be clean and to honestly attempt to keep my power, as much as possible. i am not a person who sucks off the teat of society and inflicts my misery on those around me. at least not any more!
∞ DT ∞