Blog entry for:

i can turn this observation to my spiritual advantage.
well maybe the second time is the charm.
silly me, i just wrote this wonderfully insightful and without a doubt earth-shattering treatise on the just for today reading and lost it in a moment of carelessness. really, you should have read it! so i guess you will all have to settle for the mundane and trite musings that come out after spending all my creative effort this morning.
okay, what i first thought about is that inane little saying that some members take as gospel about when i point a finger at you there are three pointing back at myself. gawd how i have always hated that. not the sentiment that it purports to be expressing, that forming a negative judgment about those i share my recovery with, based on observed behaviors, is more often a comment on my own internal landscape than anything else. and those behaviors i find the most repulsive in those around me, are the behaviors that i dislike and cannot accept in myself. how i react to observing those behaviors is a manner to shift my focus from what i really need to be looking at, my own warm and gooey pile of shit. true, that pile is the leftovers of years in active addiction, and true most of that pile was created to protect my fragile self from the perceived evils of the world around and within me. that does not mean that i need to keep holding on to that shit, no matter how comfortable and wram it may feel. the shovel that allows me to get rid of that pile is the program of recovery that has given me this new manner of living. that program is a two edged sword however. yes i have the tools to see what is going on inside of me based on how i behave, but those same tools show me stuff, well actually the shit, that also needs to be removed. this paradox of something being comfortable because it is familiar and has served a purpose and being loathsome and repulsive because it does not fit into my new life, is where the behavior described in the reading arises in me. cannot accept myself as i am today, fine then i will just judge someone else to make me feel better HAH! so what action doe this addict in recovery need to take? recognize the behavior, ask for GOD to remove it once again and do my best to treat the object of my judgment with the dignity and respect that i myself would like to be treated with. not much but certainly a headful for right now.
okay here it goes again -- wish me a bit of luck!

∞ DT ∞