Blog entry for:

and help me become an emotionally healthy and happy individual. so on my face book page i posted meme picture that said:
i do not always take an inventory...
...but when i do it is gonna be yours.
well none of my friends seemed to think it was funny or worth liking, and i wonder,, if perhaps it struck way too close to home. i know for me, it summed up what happens in my head, on a daily basis, and the irony in the world's interesting man meme, was way too delicious for me to pass up.
which quite neatly brings me to the reading this morning. what i heard was not that i NEED to be throwing my hands up in the air and wailing mea culpa, every time i take someone else's inventory, which is quite a relief. no what I NEED to do IS USE THAT BEHAVIOR FOR BETTERING MYSELF.
using my quite human trait of being capable of judging and discerning what i do not like in others, instead of suppressing it, or pretending that it does not exist, is certainly quite a pressure release valve. so much of my recovery, up to now, has been focused on what i need to do, to get better, and all of a sudden, i am beginning to see what i need to continue to do, to remain well. i spoke yesterday of the model of addiction as i see it. whether one sees addiction as a disease or just an inherent part of oneself, is quiet irrelevant, the end result is the same. i am an addict, and recovery allows the rest of me to balance the addict that is me. recovery brings my life and attitudes back into the mainstream. recovery is my foil to the extremist within. recovery provides me the framework and structure to appear like the other 85%, most of the time. recovery also gives me a place to hang with the 15% who are just like me, and understand what i REALLY go through on a daily basis. and yes, recovery provides me a yardstick to measure what i see in others and their behaviors, which is no less important than learning to be present enough to see my affect on the world around me.
so the hour grows late, and i need to head on over to Boulder for another day of gainful employment, and yes walking around learning from the constant inventories running through my head.

∞ DT ∞