Blog entry for:

i can redirect the impulse in such a way as to recognize my own defects more clearly. well i have used this word many times before, but the last couple of days have been filled with such irony for me, that it is appropriate to say that the reading this morning is once again quite ironic, in fact so ironic that i am reduced to Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off. the current object of my judgment, has yet to hear from me, and for this addict, it is a good thing. as i move towards a more spiritual place, i become more fit to spout my opinion. how do i know? well for one, what i wrote this morning was sarcasm, rather than rage. that is evidence of a softening of my feelings, or better put, a softening of my reaction to feelings. as it is and as it was, and as it will be, i guess, life goes on, my choice today is how i choose to live it. i can wallow in the desperation om active addiction,m judging, interpreting and generally over analyzing everything that is said to me. OR i can allow myself, to see what these reactions really are, a mirror of what is still defective in me. after that return to the promise of the sixth and seventh steps, that if i humbly ask, i will become a better person, with my behaviors and defects less present in my daily living. disrespect, dishonesty, manipulation, and deceit can be replace by respect, honesty, surrender, and open-mindedness, at least in the here and now. so as i prepare to leave for the weekend, and leave behind all that is troubling me for toady, i find a certain peace creeping into my soul. yes, i have to stop biting my tongue, yes i have to disengage from the tango i have been locked in and yes i have to free myself of the burden of my amends list. but i do not have to do any of that right here and right now. i can allow myself to move into action as the spiritual path presents itself and become whole and genuine as the process takes me. it is a good day to recover and even a better day to let go and be part of the solution. so i think that is exactly what i will do.

∞ DT ∞