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and not liking what i see because it is what i do not like to see in myself. for me being judgmental comes as naturally as breathing. the reading this morning went directly to my core and reminded me that what i find less than stellar in others are the same things that i have come to know so well within myself. those traits, behaviors and attitudes that i have entirely ready to have removed and have to surrender to my HIGHER POWER on a constant basis are the easiest to spot in the people around me. although i realize this on some level intellectually and emotionally, each of these defects and shortcomings were carefully built, nurtured and distorted so i could survive the rigors of active addiction. it seems that no matter how abhorrent they are to me, i still volunteer to act them out in all their gory glory.
so what the reading says to me is that when i start judging others, it is necessary to look to myself to see what is going on inside of me. the hope i feel is that as these are removed from me, that i will find them less in others.
do i believe that i will ever get to a point in my life where i no longer judge others? probably not, but it is possible and wild monkeys may fly out my ass! what i have come to believe is that my need to judge and weigh others will diminish to the point that is necessary for day to day life. after all, exercising judgement is not necessarily a bad skill. it is when it warped into the form of using it as a tool to build my self-esteem where it becomes a deadly trait. and today i do not need to build my self-esteem on the backs of others!
:) DT :)