π i am learning π
Posted: Wed, May 6, 2026 11:06:04 AM
to discern not just right from wrong, but also right from almost right. today, right is not falling into acting on my feelings and saying or doing something incorrect. almost right is asking for space, loudly and with the authority i do not have. for whatever reason, this morning, i just want to be left alone. i want to isolate, be by myself in a quiet place with no questions, responsibilities or conversation about the news of the world. i want to retreat into my own little world until i find the center i am seeking, whatever the heck that center may be. there are days like this every now and again. i used to wonder what was going on inside of me, fret and worry about what i needed to change and spend the day walking forcing everyone around me to walk on egg shells.
today, i may not know the why of what i am feeling, i just understand the what of my feeling and i know it is place to keep it in its place: quietly under wraps allowing myself the freedom and the beauty to be okay and allow others to come as the need to, without me trampling them into the dirt. when this mood is upon me, as it is today, i have to look to what it is that is bothering me about the interactions i am being present within. this morning, i would rather be sitting in the cigar lounge, pounding away at this rather than sitting at home, doing what i need to do, before i go into work. in the lounge, i can isolate and pretend no one is present, home does not provide the ways and means for that distance and i have to allow myself the depth of character to see that truth.
where does that leave me, this morning, in a sticky situation. i need to be true to myself without burying my desire to be left alone. a tough road to follow today, although by putting it down in words, i am starting to feel less conflicted and better able to be present without having the desire to withdraw. what i can do, and will do is walk my path, speak my truth if i need to and be okay w=either way. there is a principle i have learned in the rooms: i can restart my day at any time and any number of times that i require as long as i am active in my daily program of recovery. so starting over, today i will breathe in the air around me, let others be who they are and when i need to be still, stay still, no matter what.
today, i may not know the why of what i am feeling, i just understand the what of my feeling and i know it is place to keep it in its place: quietly under wraps allowing myself the freedom and the beauty to be okay and allow others to come as the need to, without me trampling them into the dirt. when this mood is upon me, as it is today, i have to look to what it is that is bothering me about the interactions i am being present within. this morning, i would rather be sitting in the cigar lounge, pounding away at this rather than sitting at home, doing what i need to do, before i go into work. in the lounge, i can isolate and pretend no one is present, home does not provide the ways and means for that distance and i have to allow myself the depth of character to see that truth.
where does that leave me, this morning, in a sticky situation. i need to be true to myself without burying my desire to be left alone. a tough road to follow today, although by putting it down in words, i am starting to feel less conflicted and better able to be present without having the desire to withdraw. what i can do, and will do is walk my path, speak my truth if i need to and be okay w=either way. there is a principle i have learned in the rooms: i can restart my day at any time and any number of times that i require as long as i am active in my daily program of recovery. so starting over, today i will breathe in the air around me, let others be who they are and when i need to be still, stay still, no matter what.
∞ DT ∞