๐ i may tire ๐
Posted: Sun, May 10, 2026 02:11:13 PM
mentally in repeating my new ideas and tire physically in my new activities, yet i know that if i fail to repeat them it is quite likely that i take up my old practices. today, is not going the way i planned when i got up out of bed this morning. my plan was to live my Sunday routine, laundry, walk the dawg,run 10K and head on out to the cigar store for an afternoon in a smoke filled room after a Mother's Day brunch. what changed? well i went to bed with a cough and woke up this morning with a chest cold. usually that would not be enough to keep me home and at bay, but today, i yielded to my spouse's suggestion that perhaps i really need not need to go out and about and “spread this joy.” i got my weekly stuff done but only ran 8K as that felt like the correct distance for today. what i will end up doing today, is the front lawn, finish my move from my dying backup drive, read some my book club book and maybe write out my resentment list, as it feels like a good day for that.
as i sat this morning, pondering the nature of my relationship with perseverance and relapse, i was struck by a conversation i had with one of my peers at my home group yesterday. he stated that he lives in STEPS SIX and SEVEN. after a moment of consideration, i said i live in STEPS TEN and ELEVEN. instead of cataloging and ameliorating my defects of character and shortcomings, i monitor myself in real-time and make alterations closer to the damage. that sort of living, no matter how tedious it may feel to me, is the sort of behavior that feeds my desire to work a daily program of recovery. i also know that i have seen enough of my peers relapse, even when they looked great, to know that is a “not yet,” for me. i do not live in abject fear of relapse and i do not persevere in my program out of fear of relapse, i have a healthy fear of relapse and do my best to do the work hat may prevent it from visiting my doorstep.
today, i will stay home and allow my body to fight off this rhinovirus. i will take care of stuff around the house and may even take a nap. what the rest of the day will bring is still unwritten, but one thing i am sure of, just for today, i will not use.
as i sat this morning, pondering the nature of my relationship with perseverance and relapse, i was struck by a conversation i had with one of my peers at my home group yesterday. he stated that he lives in STEPS SIX and SEVEN. after a moment of consideration, i said i live in STEPS TEN and ELEVEN. instead of cataloging and ameliorating my defects of character and shortcomings, i monitor myself in real-time and make alterations closer to the damage. that sort of living, no matter how tedious it may feel to me, is the sort of behavior that feeds my desire to work a daily program of recovery. i also know that i have seen enough of my peers relapse, even when they looked great, to know that is a “not yet,” for me. i do not live in abject fear of relapse and i do not persevere in my program out of fear of relapse, i have a healthy fear of relapse and do my best to do the work hat may prevent it from visiting my doorstep.
today, i will stay home and allow my body to fight off this rhinovirus. i will take care of stuff around the house and may even take a nap. what the rest of the day will bring is still unwritten, but one thing i am sure of, just for today, i will not use.
∞ DT ∞