๐ฅ instead of ๐จ
Posted: Sat, May 23, 2026 09:17:44 AM
reaching into that bag of dirty tricks that got me through my using days, i begin to rely on spiritual principles to deal with life. i had a terrible night of sleep last night and have no clue why i could not shut down. what that means for me today, as i walk out into the real world, is that i need to remember that and temper what i feel i may need to do, by responding and not reacting. i may not feel i am in a dangerous mood, but i know that i mostly likely am. the fact that i can recognize and understand that as fact, is certainly a sign of maturity and perhaps even a bit of spiritual growth.
i have to apologize for phoning in my entry for yesterday, i was in a hurry, running late and when i messed up and lost my work, because i had not squirreled it away, i punted and moved on.i know that the topic was vulnerability and sharing who and what i happen to be at any given moment and it does tie into my source material this morning of maturing in my recovery. even when i was being yelled at yesterday by the motorist who insisted on educating me, i was not ready to react, in fact i have a feeling that was more of what was going on, in that instance, my lack of any caring what he was saying. if i took anything from that interaction yesterday it was that i need to be more aware of the traffic signals, especially left turn arrows, as i am not sure i was in the “right,”
this morning, i can feel the grief of the passing of one of my peers, who i thought was doing well. that is the second one in the local fellowship who has died in a similar manner, one who had the appearance of doing well and one who did not. my grief is centered on not seeing what may have been going on. i did not see him at any of the meetings i attend, so how the fuck would i know? cue up the hero theme and blast out the trumpets, because i have turned an event that i had no power over and did not observe, into another means of beating myself up. YAY ME!
i do have to wrap this up and get headed out to my home group. today i can feel what i am feeling and share those feelings. today i can take into consideration that i am not at my best and pause before i react, morphing reaction into response. today, and just for today, i can use a spiritual principle or two, when a f-defect of shortcoming feels like something i NEED to do.
i have to apologize for phoning in my entry for yesterday, i was in a hurry, running late and when i messed up and lost my work, because i had not squirreled it away, i punted and moved on.i know that the topic was vulnerability and sharing who and what i happen to be at any given moment and it does tie into my source material this morning of maturing in my recovery. even when i was being yelled at yesterday by the motorist who insisted on educating me, i was not ready to react, in fact i have a feeling that was more of what was going on, in that instance, my lack of any caring what he was saying. if i took anything from that interaction yesterday it was that i need to be more aware of the traffic signals, especially left turn arrows, as i am not sure i was in the “right,”
this morning, i can feel the grief of the passing of one of my peers, who i thought was doing well. that is the second one in the local fellowship who has died in a similar manner, one who had the appearance of doing well and one who did not. my grief is centered on not seeing what may have been going on. i did not see him at any of the meetings i attend, so how the fuck would i know? cue up the hero theme and blast out the trumpets, because i have turned an event that i had no power over and did not observe, into another means of beating myself up. YAY ME!
i do have to wrap this up and get headed out to my home group. today i can feel what i am feeling and share those feelings. today i can take into consideration that i am not at my best and pause before i react, morphing reaction into response. today, and just for today, i can use a spiritual principle or two, when a f-defect of shortcoming feels like something i NEED to do.
∞ DT ∞