Blog entry for:

all of us have certain traits that, given the chance, we would like to change. so for the first time i did not change my little quote to the first person. today i am stuck at home until i finish moving the mountains of snow that fell around my house over the past twenty-four hours. what does moving mountains have to do with self-acceptance through working the twelve steps? a very good question and one that i am more than willing to enlighten you on.
those parts of me that i have been not so patiently been waiting to be removed, do not seem to be going away very fast. the removal of those things appear as solid as the mountains that rise out of the earth, ten or so miles to the west of where i live. they are massive, rock hard (they call them the rockies after all), and have been there forever, relatively speaking. the unacceptable parts of me have the same appearance and the part of me i call my disease whispers that it is just as impossible to change myself as it is to flatten the Rocky Mountains, so why bother. the illusion that i cannot change so i might as well just accept it and move on to a different manner of living is just one of the many lies that the diseased part of me whispers over and over and over and over again! the truth is that those traits are more like the snow that is currently keeping me stuck in my house, neither are a permanent fixture. just like the piles and drifts of snow around my house, those traits that i find unacceptable in me can be removed. i could of course do nothing and the sun will come out and the snow will melt, and the truth of the matter is that if i do nothing to work on myself, i may someday come to acceptance of that i am who i am undesirable traits and all. what is more likely though is that i will just use to numb the undesirable feelings away!
the flip side is that i do have a snow shovel and the willingness to do what it takes to clear a path to the street and get out of my house. the reading gives me the same kind of tool as my snow shovel, the TWELVE STEPS! it reminds me that if i want to learn how to accept myself as i am today, without any reservations, good traits and bad, all i have to do is pick up that shovel and start moving those mountains of FEAR and DENIAL. i can remain stuck in the house of my disease or i can move forward with the task of removing the snow that active addiction has dumped all around me. my choice today? start shoveling figuratively and literally, after all only i am keeping myself stuck in the house of my disease!

∞ DT ∞