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i do not believe in myself.
although this reading seems to be saying that relapse is an option, and that even i if relapse, i can get and stay clean if i have someone who happens to believe in me. this is a tough reading for me to understand, as i was one of the lucky ones, who have yet to relapse since finding recovery. that is not to say that i walked into the rooms and got it from the very start. no way, i was way too different way back when and it took me seven months from my first meeting until i became ready to do this whole recovery thing. so looking at it from that point of view, i was a chronic relapser for those seven months or not. i really did not want to get clean and even after i found recovery, or should i say the desire to recover, i was dead certain that after a certain event had passed i would use for sure. that event has come and gone, and i am still clean.
so for me the reading seems to put the shoe on the other foot, i am the one who believes in more than one struggling addict, who is trying to find recovery. that role is sometimes a tough one, because some days it seems that no matter how much support and love i can give, they still decide to relapse. so for me i just need to remember that i am no one to judge another’s effort, sincerity or desire. i am just another addict trying to do my best to face life and recover. that is enough of a role on a daily basis. even in that seemingly reduced role, i can still believe insomeone until they can believe in themselves. so off to the salt mines to earn my living today.

∞ DT ∞