Blog entry for:

who believes in me. it is true, that walking in the doors i was certain that i did not NEED anyone to support or help me in my recovery. i saw myself as self-sufficient and besides i was not going to be here long enough to need anyone's support or help, it was just a matter of time. ironically here i sit today, and although i sometimes feel as if i do not NEED or DESIRE the help and support of my peers, i get it regardless of whether i want it or not. among those who have certainly aided me in my recovery:

Helen P
TWELVE YEARS CLEAN!
I am grateful, you kept coming back.

yes, even those who are closer to their last day using are an inspiration and source of wisdom for me. they too are part of the collective someone to support me in my recovery, as that is what it has become across the days of my recovery journey. flipping the reading around, there are a few peers in my life, that i have the FAITH in to support them in their recovery, regardless of how hard it seems for them to stay clean. the fact of the matter is, even that addict who stated he was sober for 26 years and clean and sober for 10, needed that support, while he was flailing around in active addiction. putting my actions in that context, it certainly was a good thing that i reserved saying anything about what i thought about his recovery on Sunday evening. it takes whatever it takes, as i was not one of those who walked into the rooms and was struck clean.
all of that being said, today i am grateful that i am capable of giving support as well as receiving the support i need to prosper in my recovery, which for me is what it has become. i know that self-sufficiency is not the same as self-support. i do not pretend that i can do this recovery gig by myself, but i do contend that supporting myself financially is a goal that i can achieve today. each day that i am clean. i am grateful that i have learned the difference between those two concepts and although the boundary is sometimes difficult to detect, it is there nevertheless.
anyhow, i have boatloads of e-mail;s and issue to wade through at work this morning, so i will have to keep this short and let everyone know, that yes i can and will be that someone , anyone who want s to support my peers in their recover and have FAITH that an addict,m any addict can quit using, lose the desire to use and find a new way to live.

∞ DT ∞