โ i need someone who believes in me, โ
Posted: Wed, Jun 7, 2006 06:23:53 AM
...especially when i can not believe in myself.
which does not happen a whole lot these days, thanks to the fellowship that has given me this new way to live. however there were days when i was first struggling to get clean, days when i was hard-pressed to recover for even five minutes and days when i felt so bad that the most attractive alternative felt like getting loaded. during all those times, and even when i am doing well there has always been someone in the rooms who happened to believe in me. i am not talking about those members that say "keep coming back" and "i am the most important person in the room," then proceed to tell me how i should lead my life and advise me to what i NEED to do! no i am talking about those members who actually talked to me privately after the meeting, and offered me the hope that if they could do this whole recovery gig, so could i. i am talking about the members who encouraged me to call them just to talk and were actually there to pick-up my phone call. i am talking about the members who listened to me whine about how awful my life was and what i was not ready to do, and still hugged me and made me feel a part of something greater than myself. i am talking about the member who takes my call every day since my friend Jim was dieing of cancer, and the pain inside me was so great that all i wanted to do is numb it away. i am talking about the member that i can have a very heated, hurtful debate with and with whom i can still trust some of the stuff inside of me that is beyond telling just about anyone else.
what i am saying is that there were then and are now, members of this fellowship who actually believe in me and will do anything to help me learn to believe in myself at any given time. and i have learned to be that kind of member most days for others. today i do believe in myself, but for all those members who believed in me on those days when i could not, i say thank you for being exactly what this addict needed!
which does not happen a whole lot these days, thanks to the fellowship that has given me this new way to live. however there were days when i was first struggling to get clean, days when i was hard-pressed to recover for even five minutes and days when i felt so bad that the most attractive alternative felt like getting loaded. during all those times, and even when i am doing well there has always been someone in the rooms who happened to believe in me. i am not talking about those members that say "keep coming back" and "i am the most important person in the room," then proceed to tell me how i should lead my life and advise me to what i NEED to do! no i am talking about those members who actually talked to me privately after the meeting, and offered me the hope that if they could do this whole recovery gig, so could i. i am talking about the members who encouraged me to call them just to talk and were actually there to pick-up my phone call. i am talking about the members who listened to me whine about how awful my life was and what i was not ready to do, and still hugged me and made me feel a part of something greater than myself. i am talking about the member who takes my call every day since my friend Jim was dieing of cancer, and the pain inside me was so great that all i wanted to do is numb it away. i am talking about the member that i can have a very heated, hurtful debate with and with whom i can still trust some of the stuff inside of me that is beyond telling just about anyone else.
what i am saying is that there were then and are now, members of this fellowship who actually believe in me and will do anything to help me learn to believe in myself at any given time. and i have learned to be that kind of member most days for others. today i do believe in myself, but for all those members who believed in me on those days when i could not, i say thank you for being exactly what this addict needed!
∞ DT ∞