โ i cannot pretend i do not have a fatal, progressive illness, because i do. โ
Posted: Sat, Aug 18, 2007 08:39:24 AM
without my program, i may not survive to worry about the demands of work, school, family, or anything else. meetings give me the support and direction i need to recover from my addiction, allowing me to live the fullest life possible.
my loved still ask me this question, just how long to you have to go to those classes. although the question gets asked less frequently these days, there is an assumption on their part that some day i will be able to live without going to meetings. and for the ‘ordinary‘ people, who comprise my loved ones, that question is valid. they have no need to understand the disease i have, nor would i even expect them to try and understand. all they can see, is that over the days i have been clean, i have become a productive member of society. all they can see is that i am present for family events and that i can give them the support they need as they need it, so unlike the man who struggled to get clean all those days ago. since the apparent level of my symptoms have dropped below their perceptions, they may think that i am cured, and just not using is enough to keep my disease in remission.
the part of me i call my addict, loves to hear that particular little lie. after all, if that is the prevailing attitude, it must be true! and that little ditty that my mom used to say when i insisted on doing what everyone else was doing still rings in my head, " if everyone else jumped off the brooklyn bridge, should you do it too?!"
the answer to that absurd question, back in my youth, was no BUT....
and the part of me that thrives on chaos and isolation wants to answer, of course! well the reading this mo4rning reminds me that i am not cured, and that if ninety meetings in ninety days was what it took me to get clean and become a member at the end of my active addiction, than meeting attendance is still required to maintain my recovery and keep active addiction in remission. much as i would love to have freedom from actively living a program, i am unwilling to sacrifice my freedom from active addiction. my life today, is beyond my widest dreams and i owe that to following the suggestions of those who preceded me in recovery. if i want to continue to live this new life, i have to do whatever it takes to stay clean today, and part of that is regular meeting attendance. i have to still adjust my life to fit recovery, that is only if i want to continue to live the life i have been given.
so off to takew care of some things and see what this day will bring.
my loved still ask me this question, just how long to you have to go to those classes. although the question gets asked less frequently these days, there is an assumption on their part that some day i will be able to live without going to meetings. and for the ‘ordinary‘ people, who comprise my loved ones, that question is valid. they have no need to understand the disease i have, nor would i even expect them to try and understand. all they can see, is that over the days i have been clean, i have become a productive member of society. all they can see is that i am present for family events and that i can give them the support they need as they need it, so unlike the man who struggled to get clean all those days ago. since the apparent level of my symptoms have dropped below their perceptions, they may think that i am cured, and just not using is enough to keep my disease in remission.
the part of me i call my addict, loves to hear that particular little lie. after all, if that is the prevailing attitude, it must be true! and that little ditty that my mom used to say when i insisted on doing what everyone else was doing still rings in my head, " if everyone else jumped off the brooklyn bridge, should you do it too?!"
the answer to that absurd question, back in my youth, was no BUT....
and the part of me that thrives on chaos and isolation wants to answer, of course! well the reading this mo4rning reminds me that i am not cured, and that if ninety meetings in ninety days was what it took me to get clean and become a member at the end of my active addiction, than meeting attendance is still required to maintain my recovery and keep active addiction in remission. much as i would love to have freedom from actively living a program, i am unwilling to sacrifice my freedom from active addiction. my life today, is beyond my widest dreams and i owe that to following the suggestions of those who preceded me in recovery. if i want to continue to live this new life, i have to do whatever it takes to stay clean today, and part of that is regular meeting attendance. i have to still adjust my life to fit recovery, that is only if i want to continue to live the life i have been given.
so off to takew care of some things and see what this day will bring.
∞ DT ∞