Blog entry for:

along with the litany of the various manifestations of addiction, to which i am apt to exhibit on any given day, is reason enough to work an active program of recovery.
i find it awfully ironic that the same sort of JEDI mind tricks i use to live behind a wall of denial are used all over the place, perhaps not with as much panache, aplomb or skill, but evidenced everywhere from the POTUS down to minor corporate bureaucrats. when a Muslim drives into a crowd, it is called terrorism but let a angry white gut do it and it is called “vehicular homicide.” i mean seriously, both drivers have the exact same aim, to send an message to the opposition, namely: “we are not going to sit still and take any guff off of you guys anymore and this is just a reminder about how tend to take matters i our own hands.” both deserve the maximum punishment, which would be a speedy and fair trial with little or no chances for the terrorist to speak out, followed by a very lengthy sentence in a deep dark hole somewhere, cut off from all human contact until they rot away. no martyrdom, speeches or victims here and the rights they purport to be exercising will not be abridged, as that is what we, as a society, have decided is an appropriate punishment for terrorists. i mean call a spade a spade,l he was not just some crazed neo-nazi, he was a terrorist and should be treated as such, regardless of his age, race, gender, religious beliefs or sexual identity. the sooner, we as a society stop treating angry white men as “special” class, the sooner they lose their mystique. class them as the very people they scream about, treat them as they would have those they demonize be treated and <BOOM> they lose their power.
enough of my bandwagon, i guess where i am going this morning is when i think my life is too “full” because of the life i have been given in recovery i NEED to stop looking at how to fit recovery into that life and work on fitting that life into recovery. being a visitor in my own fellowship, because all of a sudden i have a life, is certainly a place i can go, and just as the powers that be. loathe calling an angry white guy as terrorist, so i loathe calling myself a “visitor” even though i meet all the criteria. showing up for my fellowship is an important part of living an active program of recovery. it is probably true, i could go a month or two without going to a meeting. heck i could probably join a darts or pool league in a bar without using, but for me neither of those seem like a good idea, unless i use my ability to obfuscate away, what and who i am, through a pile of garbage language. among my favorite terms are: “practicing” spiritual principles and “progress, not perfection.”. both of those terms may great for my peers, but for me, they take the focus off of what i NEED to be looking at, by giving this addict an out, so what if i do not do this perfectly, after all i am only “practicing” and will never do this gig “perfectly.” all of a sudden i have the perfect excuse for all sorts of happy horsesh!t.
please do not take this as an indictment of anyone else and how they apply their program in their lives. what i am speaking about is my experience and what keeps me clean. i am certainly a fanatic when it comes to recovery and hols myself to a higher standard mean. seriously, i am one of those who goes to a meeting for far longer than is health for me, just in case there is something there i NEEDED to hear.
it is a great day to be clean, living a program of active recovery and getting paid to do something i really do not want to do. who knows what the next 24 will bring? i am hoping to be pleasantly surprised tonight.

∞ DT ∞