Blog entry for:

the results i want from my current recovery routine? certainly a fair question and one that i hardly ever answer with any sort of deep thought. in reality, i am accepting of who i am, willing to change into who i may be, and forgiving of my past deeds. i have, however, become quite judgemental of others, how they work their program, if they are “stuck” or not, or if they have constructed a world of smoke and mirrors that echoes their belief structure. what i am hearing is that if i see that in them, is it part of my life was well. after all, an old truism says that which i do not like in others, is what i despise withing myself.
looking at my life through that lens, i can see that i am renting far too much space in my head looking at what others are doing, rather than focusing on my self. my TENTH STEP has become rote and needs more than a bit of “freshening up.” the prayer part of my conscious contact feels like superstition and i more than likely need to peek at how i pray, when i pray and what may need to change to make it more in tune with who i am. carrying the message, well that has been a bit off lately as well. i seem to be carrying suggestions for change, rather than allowing my friends and peers to work it out for themselves, using me as their sounding board, rather than me providing a solution i may think is good for them. what i am hearing as i pound this out, is that although i may be changing and thriving, i need to be a bit more diligent about what is working, what i actually am t-present for and what i am just phoning in.
as i prepare to head out and relax this afternoon, i will remember that maybe, just maybe i not only do not have all the answers, i probably only know a very small percentage of the actual questions. three that i need to ask myself today, after i see that i could be a bit more present are:

• Did i do anything different today to foster my recovery and did it work?
• Did i give advice under the guise of caring suggestions?
• Did i allow myself the freedom to see every opportunity i was presented with today?

with that in mind, i will go fold my laundry and get on my way out for the afternoon, a cigar and cold brew awaits as i watch some sporting event.

∞ DT ∞