๐ซ i cannot pretend ๐ซ
Posted: Sun, Aug 18, 2019 05:57:26 AM
that i am not an addict, or delude myself into believing that somehow, long-term abstinence equals a cure. the program of recovery may have given me a ticket to ride through life, regaining everything i never had. recovery has offered me freedom from active addiction. for me anyhow, recovery means that i still need to do those things that started this ball rolling, which includes regular meeting attendance.
as i was sitting this morning, i flashed back to one of the conversations i had last night at the celebration i attended. i was speaking to a friend about how to change the physical shape he is in, when one of our peers chimed in about how much of a “work-out” riding a motorcycle is. ironically, i would not consider him in any better physical shape than the friend i was speaking to. as they are both quite round. that is certainly their choice, but my friend has invested a ton of resources in trying to find a path to better physical fitness, but for one reason or another. is unable to find the willingness to do what it takes. i totally understand that mind-set, as it was mine, up until about sixteen months ago. i wanted to be fitter and be able to do more things, but desire did not change into action, until i finally “owned” that i was worth doing the work to get in better shape.
i have to admit, judging anyone else's fitness, spiritual or physical, is more than a little hypocritical, given that i only attend two meeting a week and both of them over in a neighboring town. i know that more meetings is probably a better trend for me than less. already i could hear the justifications being formed in my head as to why i am “okay” with that number of meetings. the fact is my life is good today and the life recovery gave me was founded in going to a sh*t-ton of meetings. perhaps, and this is crazy talk, i might consider a “ninety in ninety” as a gift to me, after my clean date. who knows, the seed has been planted, no telling what may come of it.
as i was sitting this morning, i flashed back to one of the conversations i had last night at the celebration i attended. i was speaking to a friend about how to change the physical shape he is in, when one of our peers chimed in about how much of a “work-out” riding a motorcycle is. ironically, i would not consider him in any better physical shape than the friend i was speaking to. as they are both quite round. that is certainly their choice, but my friend has invested a ton of resources in trying to find a path to better physical fitness, but for one reason or another. is unable to find the willingness to do what it takes. i totally understand that mind-set, as it was mine, up until about sixteen months ago. i wanted to be fitter and be able to do more things, but desire did not change into action, until i finally “owned” that i was worth doing the work to get in better shape.
i have to admit, judging anyone else's fitness, spiritual or physical, is more than a little hypocritical, given that i only attend two meeting a week and both of them over in a neighboring town. i know that more meetings is probably a better trend for me than less. already i could hear the justifications being formed in my head as to why i am “okay” with that number of meetings. the fact is my life is good today and the life recovery gave me was founded in going to a sh*t-ton of meetings. perhaps, and this is crazy talk, i might consider a “ninety in ninety” as a gift to me, after my clean date. who knows, the seed has been planted, no telling what may come of it.
∞ DT ∞