Blog entry for:

a productive, responsible member of society. yes, going to meetings today, is part of what allows me to remain a member of society, as i have returned to the productive and responsible fold. once upon a time., however that was far from any sort of goal for me. the last thing i really wanted to be is either responsible or productive and society, MEH, who needs it. now i is all of that and a whole lot more. so no stories about how i am living up to the responsible and productive part, one just has to take my word for it. no whines about how materialistic and shallow society is, i accept that as fact. no laments about how popular culture seduces me to extend my debt, get the brightest and newest toy, and be the most attractive person on the block, it does and the 12 STEPS of my recovery program help combat all of that.
now that all that is out of the way, what is it about meetings that keep me coming back. most of the time, i know what another member is going to share. someone with 30 to 60 days will tell me how wonderful their life is, their family is back, they are so proud of their recovery and I have to do, is follow their simple suggestions for a happier and freer life.they tell me that IF i do this and that, I will get what they have and i wonder what is going to happen, when reality, such as the unpaid bills or the damage done during after addiction, loom large in their lives. the expansion of the consequences of their use, often takes them out again, or they turn towards religion to give them a foundation. honestly i always hope that those who turn religious find the means to actually continue a path of recovery as they walks the path to their eternal salvation.
i can say without any reservations when another member starts a sentence with “YOU NEED TO,” i very rarely listen to anything beyond that, and wonder if i can get the next five minutes of my life back. it is true, that there are many members who have what i want and very seldom is what they have something they have inked on their body, drive around in, have attached to their arm, or have to use chemistry to achieve. self-esteem, at least in my life comes from none of that and those who rely on any or all of that, have very little that i want, the preachers and the posers, are not offering me anything, except for fodder to feed this little exercise.
ah but there needs to be a bit of balance, even though i often do not hear what i need to from any one member, i certainly hear what i need to hear from the collective of all the members in attendance. even the newest of the new, have something to offer me and those who do not try and tell me what i should or should not do, provide the greatest source of the information i need to stay clean today. i go to meetings to get what i need, whether ist is a social connection or the five words that open the door in my recovery, there is something there for me, at every meeting. i go to meetings, even with a few days under my belt, because that is my source of strength and connection to the fellowship as a whole. that connection is the means by which i get whatever i need to stay clean today. that connection is a source of the spiritual abundance that i am offered every single day, from the POWER that fuels my recovery. that connection is what deflates my ego and reminds me that humility is a spiritual principle. that connection is where i get nourished, in the spiritual sense and learn how to be less of a social retard. i GET to stay clean today, because i let go of the ties that bind me to my past and meetings are part of that process.
how long do i have to go? until i am no longer an addict or decide that for whatever reason, this gig is not working for me anymore. that day has yet to come, so maybe, just maybe a meeting may be the exact next right thing i NEED to do,m to stay clean today.

∞ DT ∞