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do I have to go? certainly one of the most repeated questions in the rooms of recovery that i frequent and the one question that seems to start all sorts of discussions about this and that. there are plenty of smart-a$$ answers, and even a few sage ones, but what it all boils down to is this: do i really want to take a chance on the state of my recovery?
of course, i can tell the horror stories of those who relapsed and came back, and most of the time, it starts with the statement: “i stopped going to meetings…” so using the fear mongering FUD approach, i can say i go to meetings to prevent relapse. if only it really was that simple, as i have also seen those who go to lots of meetings mistakenly decide that one may just be enough. what it says in the book is that “we have never seen anyone fail to find recovery, when they LIVE the program.”
there you have it. for me, living the program INCLUDES regular meeting attendance. for me, it seems three a week is the magic number, i feel the most comfortable in my skin, walk through my life with the least of a wake of destruction and seem to be the happiest, when i go to three meetings a week. in fact i tries to find one Friday night in Montana, and got myself totally lost, or at least as lost as someone can get in a city the size and with the geography of Bozeman. i found the address, i just never found a bunch of congregating addicts, as it sometimes go, especially when i think i got this. my point being, even after a few days clean, even after a few set of steps under my belt, even with the most obvious, and heinous effects of addiction eliminated from my life, i still make the time to go to meetings, three a week, regardless of what i have going on in my life. that is just me, and what works for me, well maybe, just maybe it may work for someone else. yes, meeting makers make it, to repeat a very old bromide and move on.
a couple of things have been up for me lately, first and foremost, i got converted from a contract employee to a permanent one yesterday, just as it was planned, after all the other plans failed to materialize. i did give a self-obsessed a$$hole the single finger salute yesterday on the way home, and i was less than courteous on the phone with the customer service reps i needed to deal with to cancel my exchange health and dental insurance. based on those behaviors, i would say that i am suffering the effects of missing two of my regular meetings over the weekend. life on life's terms was a bit overwhelming after that brief lapse, and as i sit here and think about it, it strengthens the arguments about no matter what, meeting attendance, at least for me, must stay a priority. it is true, that a single middle finger and expressing a bit of frustration is not a whole lot of havoc to wreak. it si also true, that those actions, could have been performed by someone in the other 85%, after all they are normal human reactions. following that line of thinking, i could say, since a “normie” may have done both of those things on any given day, then i must be a one as well. the rationalization and justification train has left the station, and i can see the destination on the electronic signs ahead…
so for me? today, i will attend a meeting, hang with some of my peers, work hard and do my best to fit my life into my recovery once again, it has after all, not gotten to big, my life that is, to fit it into my recovery.

∞ DT ∞