β the longer i stay clean, the less surely i **know** what the will of a Higher Power is for me β
Posted: Wed, Nov 7, 2007 07:49:43 AM
-- and the less it matters. knowledge of that will becomes less a **knowing** thing and more a **feeling** thing.
except the one thing i know about this will, is that it is the will of my HIGHER POWER for me to stay clean today. the rest of that has yet to be revealed, at that is a good thing and something i accept without reservations these days. it has not always been this way for me. i struggled when i first did the eleventh step to hear the voice of a HIGHER POWER and was more than a little disappointed when that voice did not reach out and grab me with certain knowledge about what i needed to do today. i look back at that attitude from the vantage point of having some time clean and having worked the steps twice and see how naive i was way back when. that naiveté was fun and a function of where i was in ,my journey as well as what i wanted back then. since i had only just developed a concept of a HIGHER POWER, i expected that concept to perform like the one that is written about in th3e literature of the world’s major religions, you know, booming voices, burning bushes and lightening bolts. well that has yet to become reality and as i grew so has what i know about my concept of a HIGHER POWER. i do not need to rehash that evolution today, but as i got dialed in to the spiritual connection of this program, i have found that my expectations about how i hear the voice of a POWER GREATER THAN ME, have been diminished and removed. i like the idea of **feeling** the will rather than hearing or seeing that will. it goes back to the rebellious part of me, that holds on with great comfort that nothing is predestined, everything that happens is the result of conscious choices i have made in my life. well most everything, i did not decide to flood Mexico, or have the disease of addiction. hell i barely decided to get up and move forward with my day. be that as it may, i do have to do a bit of work before i meet with a client, so that feels like the right thing to do, at least for right now. so i am off tot he races once more!
except the one thing i know about this will, is that it is the will of my HIGHER POWER for me to stay clean today. the rest of that has yet to be revealed, at that is a good thing and something i accept without reservations these days. it has not always been this way for me. i struggled when i first did the eleventh step to hear the voice of a HIGHER POWER and was more than a little disappointed when that voice did not reach out and grab me with certain knowledge about what i needed to do today. i look back at that attitude from the vantage point of having some time clean and having worked the steps twice and see how naive i was way back when. that naiveté was fun and a function of where i was in ,my journey as well as what i wanted back then. since i had only just developed a concept of a HIGHER POWER, i expected that concept to perform like the one that is written about in th3e literature of the world’s major religions, you know, booming voices, burning bushes and lightening bolts. well that has yet to become reality and as i grew so has what i know about my concept of a HIGHER POWER. i do not need to rehash that evolution today, but as i got dialed in to the spiritual connection of this program, i have found that my expectations about how i hear the voice of a POWER GREATER THAN ME, have been diminished and removed. i like the idea of **feeling** the will rather than hearing or seeing that will. it goes back to the rebellious part of me, that holds on with great comfort that nothing is predestined, everything that happens is the result of conscious choices i have made in my life. well most everything, i did not decide to flood Mexico, or have the disease of addiction. hell i barely decided to get up and move forward with my day. be that as it may, i do have to do a bit of work before i meet with a client, so that feels like the right thing to do, at least for right now. so i am off tot he races once more!
∞ DT ∞