Blog entry for:

i have never been one of those who looks for signs, omens or put a whole lot of stock in what i dream. coming from a more rational side of the tracks, much of this spiritual stuff was all so spanking brand new for me, that i has to become open-minded enough to even admit that there might be more happening under the sun, than my narrow point view allowed.
after a minute or so, i am back at this. thousands of e-mails to clean-up and more than one “issue” to resolve after a bunch of days of enforced leisure. it certainly is what it is and this morning i am more than grateful to have a job, that pays me well and that i am good at, even IF it is not what i really want to be doing. is that the will of GOD? not sure and two weeks ago, i would have been whining about how GOD's will sucked, at least in relationship to this piece of my life.
learning to “feel” rather than “know” the will of a HIGHER POWER is not something that has come easily for me. i still have the DESIRE for certainty, and certainty when it comes to “feeling” is not quite something i am exceptionally skilled at, yet. i get the notion, that i can find certainty when i am going against the flow and exercising my supreme self-will. the rub, for me, is that when things are going well, is it because i am in the will of that HIGHER POWER, or is it because i have done the footwork to get the outcome i desire. and then, there goes my brain, analyzing, comparing and looking for “signs,” rather than just accepting what is and on and on and on, down the rabbit hole i go.
taking what i “felt” this morning, it is time to just let go and get my a$$ back to work. yes, i can allow myself to trust my intuition and not DEMAND concrete proof that i am on the correct path. i may not always know the next right thing to do, but there is a bit of certainty that i know the next wrong thing to do, and when i discover myself going down that path, i can certainly stop, pause and reevaluate my actions, allowing my head toi catch up with my heart, just for today.

∞ DT ∞