Some memes

i **feel** it is the next right thing to do. i have wasted a whole lot of my recovery trying to figure out what the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery, just may be. since my last ELEVENTH STEP, i wonder less in my head what it may be and look to what is in my heart. day after day, as i give in to the notion that i may “know” what the next right thing is, but most of the time i “feel,” what my next move needs to be. this morning i just may be to pack up my stuff and leave my current desk behind, as next week i will be somewhere else, more than likely working from home until the dust settles on the department move to the new location. i will not miss the commute, but working on an empty floor, two floors below where the rest of my team will be, does not sound all that much different than working alone in my home office. as the day progresses i will “listen” for what i need to do and move on. this is where i might go start down the path of once again 'splainin& my view of the spiritual path i have found myself walking and contrasting that path, with the paths that my peers may follow. i have done that time and again, and it get weary. what i will say, is that if i believe in a HIGHER POWER, my spiritual path requires a ୀLOWER power” as well. that thought has been disturbing to me, for quite some time, hence the POWER that fuels my recovery, which is part of the whole and is my foil against the power of addiction. a nice and neatly wrapped package, that completes the whole.
in my world, i took the time to write my peer that is incarcerated yesterday and made sure it got in the mail box, before he is moved towards his home for the next eight years. he is hurt, bitter and angry right now and does not see how mere abstinence is paying off. he walked away from active recovery after he was sett at liberty and as i no longer chase down those men who call me their sponsor, i did nothing to rope him back in. that was certainly a “feeling” sort of decision, rather than a “thinking” one. i feel a bit of regret for not forcing him into some sort of recovery structure, but as i red that last statement i see that would have been cratering into my self-will. what i do “know” this morning, is that i am okay with where i am, i am sad about where he is going and if i could reach out and help him accept that his world of hurting comes from his decisions to trip into self-will. i have decided not to chide or judge his behaviors and support him in whatever manner he feels ready to accept. that is now out of my hands and i surrender him into the care of his HIGHER POWER, whatever that may be today.
it is a good day to be clean and be able to see my place in the world. i accept that i have very little power today and that i need to use what power i do have, when i “feel” it is the next correct thing to do.

∞ DT ∞