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it matters. it is true, i was one of those who constantly worried about having to **know** the will of GOD for me. i would search out the events of any random day, looking for **signs,** instead of going with my **gut** feelings. i would anxiously overt-think every action and decision, confident that not only was my first thought wrong, but probably the next 100 as well. the “message” that i got from my peers, was that my intuition and gut feelings were wrong 99% of the time and EVERY thought needed to be run through major analysis, before being acted upon.
as i stayed clean and finally “got” STEP ELEVEN and actually begin to trust the recovery process, i finally became okay with “feeling” my way to the next right thing, a HUGE weight was lifted off my shoulders and i allowed myself the FREEDOM to move through my life without over-thinking all that i did and was. this morning, as i deal with the fallout of election daze, i am okay with what is going on. work sucks, but yesterday the only recruiter that has ever got me anywhere, actually sent me an e-mail that might be an opportunity that works for me. the irony here, it always seems the 4TH quarter is when i get the next job. work still sucks and i have work to do, tomorrow to keep the customer happy. i am looking forward to this day, for the first time in a week. perhaps the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery is to sit and wait for events to turn as they will. for the first time in weeks, the knot in my stomach has untied and i feel a whole lot lighter than yesterday. it is a good day to flow through my day, feeling my way to the next right thing.

∞ DT ∞