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finally, i get to the place in the literature, that i have been learning to do, over the past few months. when my sponse told me, to learn how to **feel** the will of my HIGHER POWER, i thought he was doing some sort of Jedi mind trick on me. even though he is very grounded in the literature of the fellowship, that assignment seemed like he pulled it out of the ether. well here it is, in black and white as it were, the very words he used when i started STEP 11. ironically, this is not my first trip through the daily readings book, and yet i never remembered seeing this topic before, even though i have written on it several times. so once again, i am right where i am supposed to be.
one of my peers is fond of saying there is no “advanced” recovery, and i understand and agree with them to a point. quite honestly if i trusted my feelings and intuition as learning to feel the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery, way back when, i more than likely would have been loaded, a long time ago. the literature does say that what is appropriate for one phase in my recovery, may not be in another. that implies that there is more to this recovery process than just membership in the No Matter What club. true, without abstinence, nothing else would be possible. yes, staying clean, going to meetings, developing a relationship with a HIGHER POWER, working the steps, and serving the fellowship are the basics of the program, and are more than sufficient to keep me cl;lean. i have always wanted more. to be more, to see more, and to know more. i am grateful that the program allows that to happen, when i decide to go beyond the foundation of the program. it may not be advanced recovery, but it certainly more than just staying clean and surviving. here is is, once again, as part of the written word of the fellowship, that as i grow in my program, i need not know all that is happening. at some point, i NEED to learn how to trust feelings and intuition, and that is a good thing.
where that leaves me, is a sense that i finally am getting a clue about where i might be going. today? well today, it is off to my family bidness, then to my home group, and finally a return to celebration of recovery, that is being put on by my fellowship. GOD's will? dunno, yet, but i will allow myself to see what i feel as the day goes on, that is after all, what this is all about.

∞ DT ∞