Blog entry for:

on my intuition, especially when attempting to determine what is and is not the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery. for brevity and because i am lazy, i will let you my readers do the following substitution in this blog. when i type GOD, HP or HIGHER POWER, i am thinking “ the POWER that fuels my recovery.” when writing about GOD's will, the whole Power that fuels my recovery, becomes sort of a burden and very kludgy when trying to craft sentences that make sense.
i was speaking to one of the men i sponsor the other day, about this very topic, actually an offshoot of this topic. i have mentioned before that even though there may be no “advanced” recovery, my experience is that i DO GET to advance in my recovery. it is more than just staying clean NO MATTER WHAT and it is certainly more than “first thought wrong!” do not misunderstand me, i still form bad decisions based on impulse and the notion that a little dab will do me, pops-up every now and again. i am far from immune for either of those states. i do, however, FEEL that the GOD's will for consists of going beyond impulse control and FEAR of relapse, or i would not be here today. i believe and have experienced more gifts beyond receiving the power to stay clean on a daily basis, than i can count, among them is a HIGHER POWER that gives me more than just that ability. the ironic part is that even though i get more, i still do what i always have done. other than the application of a 10TH and 11TH step, i am still doing the very basic actions that got mew through those first six months of having the desire and those first eighteen months of being far less than willing. heck, i am still doing the exact same recovery routine that moved me from a FEAR-based program, to a HOPE based and finally into a FAITH based program. that may not be “advanced” recovery, but i certainly do not walk around in dread that the part of my that is my addiction is waiting around the next corner to jump and force me to use against my will. i respect addiction, i accept that i am powerless over it and as a result have a recovery routine that enhances my life, on a daily basis. the gift i have to give is simply that recovery happens, when one allows it to.
the reading speaks of looking for “signs” and other readings suggest superstitious notions that have followed me into recovery from my failed attempts at being religious. i can safely say, religion is not my cup of tea. those who find comfort, direction or something else in religion are neither worse than or better than myself, they just are. when i stopped looking for the “Hand of GOD,” in my affairs and stopped waiting the hear the “voice of GOD,” i became more spiritual and certainly more capable of applying these principles in all my affairs. when i stopped thinking about what GOD's will was and started to “feel” it, i started to move in a totally unexpected direction. i had left the lobby and boarded the express elevator to more will be revealed. that journey is only starting and i am excited to see what i may bring.
right here and right now, i feel it is time to wrap this up and head on down to work, after all that too is a gift of recovery, advanced or not.

∞ DT ∞