Blog entry for:

in fact, the more attention i focus on them, the more firmly entrenched they will become in my life. it takes humility to recognize that i cannot control my defects any more than i can control my addiction.
this so appropriate for me this morning as i am day two of learning to stop resisting these defects and learning to tolerate them. much as i would love to have all the defects removed, and as willing as i am to let them go, what i have discovered is that somewhere i have learned to resist the urge to even feel the feelings that activate my current set of not so savory behaviors. what has been uncovered as the result of my last sixth step is that i recognize these defects without a problem and believe that i have to be active or even proactive in stomping out the behaviors before i open my mouth and charge forward. that is so contrary to what this step happen to be saying, that the time has come for me to actively make changes in my belief system once again. not that i ever stop allowing myself to change, but i am more than good at resisting the process of change throughout all areas in my life. of course resistance to change is a topic for another day, and this morning i have commitments that force me to move a bit quicker into the real world. it is more than a good thing that the reading once again smacks me in the literal face, and reminds me of exactly where i am. with that thought and inspiration in my mind, perhaps i can do a little better than yesterday on my task to learn how to tolerate myself, others and the feelings that arise out of my interaction with the world around me. so off to the showers and into this snowy cold day.

∞ DT ∞