Blog entry for:

it is past time to let go of my character defects and ask the POWER that fuels my recovery to remove them. i would be lying to say that this is the first time i read this entry, as many of you know, i have been doing this gig, for a few “just for todays” in a row. so i am more than certain, that i have provided many excuses, rationalizations and justifications, as to why i may hold on or try to suppress my defects of character when it is not my job. in the final analysis, at least in this just for today, it is all about hubris. which in and of itself, could certainly be considered a character defect. the irony of character defects keeping me from turning over character defects is not lost on me, and as i continue down this path, i see that many of my unsavory and unacceptable shortcomings, have their root here. it is pride and ego, that makes me want to look better than i am and hide everything i am not especially proud of. it is pride and ego that drives the fear of being found out to be a fraud and that this is all some sort of demented dream. the litany of evil could go on and on, but i will not punish any of you, with the depth of how far this goes, most of you probably have seen that already, and as usual i am the very last to know.
the question then boils down to, what the fVck am i supposed to do? i am sure that i am supposed to take pride in what i accomplish. i am sure i am supposed to think for myself, and find my own path, to the little piece of the TRUTH that i can comprehend. and i am certain that self-confidence, and being self-assured are not hubris. so here i sit stuck in the mud of uncertainly, spinning my wheels and trying to figure out how to get out.
once again, the reading provides the answer -- LET THE FVCK GO! nothing overly complicated about that, nor is it some secret sauce or mystery, it is plain and simple, it is only me that wants to qualify and complicate it, i am after all a complex person, NOT! i am just a garden variety addict. not some sort of addict, a recovering or even grateful addict, although i may be grateful and recovering. when i start to modify what i am, with adjectives, i am starting to set myself apart from my peers, and setting myself up as something i am not. hubris strikes again! no for me to be whole and genuine, i need to let go of the self-image i have created and allow myself to see who i really have become, and more importantly, WHO I AM IN THE PROCESS OF BECOMING.
with that in mind, it is certainly past time, to start my slide over to work, this morning. as i am not the only one, headed over to Boulder, it is better to be on the early side and see if i can arrive, whole, sane and without causing too much frustration and chaos, for those i reluctantly share the road with, this morning. after all, do they not know who the fVck i am?!

∞ DT ∞