Blog entry for:

i no longer have to fear my own thoughts and the more i pray and meditate, the more i experience a calm sense of well-being.
okay i could go all spiritual guru here and tell you about the lofty thoughts that came from my meditation this morning. BUT, and it is a big one, the only thing that was on my mind as i meditated this morning was how am i going to string my holiday light display. pretty mundane and far from a spiritual connection, but alas, i too am just a human being and i suffer from wanting things to be ever so. and of course my house faces a very busy road with in eyesight, so i want my house to be lit for the holidays, but not overdone …
… and truthfully the harder i tried to suppress that obsessive set of thoughts the stronger they became. so exactly what is my HIGHER POWER trying to tell me? well perhaps it is, take pride in your accomplishment and get this done, so you can move forward. it is the very first time i have had the desire to light up my house in any manner. i am coming to the conclusion that although some days i can hardly believe i owning a house and living with the love of my life is reality and not some sort of overdose induced dream, it is sinking in. recovery has not only given the ability to own property, but has given me the desire to express my pride in owning that piece of property. honestly i do not believe i will have some fifty thousand light display, although the thought did cross my mind, it does not reflect who and what i am. and truthfully, i have a feeling that today is just the start of all of this silliness. i will probably tweak my display twenty times over the next month just to get it ever so. HOWEVER, hopefully my meditation will move off of this mundane obsession and into the divine again. after all, life i about more than holiday light displays… or is it?

∞ DT ∞