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moments do not need to define me. it is true for the longest time, i myself to be defined by events i had very little control over. after being in that self-made prison for decades, i am no longer allow myself to be defined by any one aspect of who i am, any set of heinous or not so heinous events, what i do to pay my bills, or with whom i hang. my source material, however was not about how i see myself, but rather if i can walk into forgiveness, instead feeding a resentment. honestly, i have always thought crying a resentment was a sign of how strong i was and dipping into forgiveness was weak and feeble. nevertheless, as i stayed clean and learn to live a life of active recovery, i began to see that, for me, letting go and forgiving was more a show of strength. i have to admit, wallowing in my shit seemed like a good thing to do, until it was not.
this morning, as i sit in the cigar lounge, pounding out this little hit, i can feel the relief i have been given, after forgiving my Mom and being able to travel to the funeral of her sister-in-law, over Thanksgiving week, now if the weather gods are kind i will enjoy Thanksgiving dinner with my family in Colorado. i am pretty sure i will be writing this in the airport tomorrow morning as i brave the holiday madness. today, i will chill my way through what i have planned and see what i get done.
it is a great day to be clean. it is a great day to not have to punch the clock. it is a great day to forgive myself, as well as others. they are as human as i am, and i forget that human beings, myself included make a mistake or three on a daily basis. just for today, well, maybe a bit more than just for today, i will forgive and allow myself to be freed from the weight of resentments.

∞ DT ∞