Blog entry for:

is often overlooked in my busy freaking days. So here it is nearly 3 PM and I am finally sitting down to pound this out. Did I feel GOD within this morning? I really do not know, nor am I overly concerned about that notion, not right now anyhow. What I do GET from my daily meditation, is a bit of serenity and certainly some balance, to begin my day. I can plainly state I was not one of those born with the ability to sit still, all my mind and allow my heart to listen. Active addiction did not create within me that ability either, so when I was told that medititation was a desirable sort of activity to undertake, I was more than a bit miffed and frustrated.
My first set of steps created no desire in me to continue my less than sincere attempts at meditatation when I formally finished my 11TH step. On my second trip through, which had a bit more substance than my first set, I started doing a daily “practice” of meditation and as frustrating and as fruitless as it seemed, I kept at it, every day, for exactly five minutes once a day.
Somewhere during my fourth set of steps, things changed, and five minutes of extreme effort became 15 to 20 without any effort at all. I also added a meditatation form for my 10th step and now at twice a day, I see results and I am certainly one of those who refuses to do anything that does not bring about results. So why in world did I persevere, for so long? That my friends is one of the mysteries of my recovery. Just as why I shifted from abstinence to membership, or why I accepted the consequences of my Lat use instead of telling them all where to shove their months of weekend in jail. Nothing in my recovery has made much sense, since the day I got clean and medititation is only part of that entire package.
I often say I am not the most spiritual kid on the block and it is quite true, and yet when it comes to this part of my recovery program, here I can say I am spiritually leaps and bounds beyond the man who did not choose this path for any of the “right” reasons and is still doing this gig on a daily basis. “GOD wintin?” maybe, certainly a desire to stay clean, just for today and be okay with how well I am doing what I do, even when I do not think I am doing it all that well.

∞ DT ∞