Blog entry for:

before i was forced to get clean and stay clean, i equated spiritual with religious. much of my early resistance to this manner of living was framed by my ignorance and strict refusal to participate in anything that smacked of religion. the fellowship where in which i was advised to start my recovery in, because there was no “recovery” in the fellowship i ended up in, was very overtly Christian. in fact, i was presented with the notion that if my concept off a HIGHER POWER was not GOD, it might as well be a doorknob. of course this may not have been what they were trying to tell me, but it was exactly what i heard and ran with, for quite some time. it took nearly fifteen years for me to come to my senses and actually find the path to a spiritual life and a concept of a HIGHER POWER that works for me, to this day.
finding what i need had not always been easy for me. i can over-complicate and over-think, just about everything. one thing i do not need, however, is to find the reasons behind all the events that happen in my life. today, i am okay accepting that undesirable stuff happens and it need not be a “sign” from “on high.” i accept that there are folks in this world, who live their lives in misery, because they choose to do so. i also accept that there are those who suffer, due to the events and circumstances that are their lives. attributing either of those to the work of some sort of loving, caring HIGHER POWER, would drive me nuts, as i would have to dig deep and put together my own spiritual conspiracy theory that would rival “Q-ANON.” i really need not go to the “mysterious ways” or my inability to “know” the mind of GOD, to find solace when attempting top reconcile what i was taught GOD was all about, to what is happening in the world today. COVID-19 is not a punishment for becoming more loving and tolerant, it is a consequence of pushing civilization deeper and deeper into the uncharted wilds and the increasing interaction of humanity with what still has left to be discovered. the wild fires in my home state are a result of decades of pumping unchecked greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, creating “warmer” winters, that allowed the beetles to survive and devastate the forests that were over-planted after being clear-cut, to build the mines and the cities in the state i live in. again a consequence of ignorance.
my journey from my clear-cut spiritual self, had many twists and turns. i am quite sure that the POWER that fuels my recovery, did ITS work until i came to see IT. the regrowth of my spirit is more than the lip-service i paid to the spiritual principles of recovery, for all of those years. i had to go through all that i went through to find the FAITH that if i am, vigilant and pay attention, i will have the opportunity to get all that i NEED, just for today.

∞ DT ∞