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well, here i sit at work, facing the morning after meeting with my sponse, and wondering about what we talked about. a couple of things ring in my heart today, first and foremost looking at “loving and kind,” as harmony. the second being not to obsess about meditation. so it is more than a bit ironic that the reading happens to be all about the step i am now formally working, that has been working me over for the past few weeks, so meditation is key for me.
why you may ask? well i am not too cool with prayer these days, especially in the manner and form that has been cultural imprinted upon me. yes, today i have a choice whether or not to accept the way i have been socially and culturally trained to do things, or <GASP> move on. after my conversation last night, there are more than a few things that need to change, and my job is to accept and feel my way through those changes. prayer and the language i use, is part of that process and although i had assumed it would be the meditation piece that would be my focus, i feel this morning it is the prayer part. the part i have done so auto-magically since i got clean. the part that has undergone the fewest changes. the part that is connecting me to the Abrahamic tradition. the part that is the ONE thing that have in common with nearly all my peers, and the part that was causing me to find the means to disconnect from the fellowship that is my home and the foundation of my new life and the source of the freedom to be more than the product of my cultural and social conditioning.
so the irony bis deep and delicious here, i have to accommodate asking into my new awareness, without trampling over the nascent belief system that i am developing. the one piece that is the most difficult to add, is my link to my peers. i can here the chuckles of my sponse right now, as i start to get twisted about something so basic and fundamental. what i think i will do, just for today, is NOTHING. just allow myself to feel my way to the direction i am going and see where i end up, it is after all, all that i can do.

∞ DT ∞