Blog entry for:

that can bring me into contact with that part of a HIGHER POWER that is within me.
on this holiday, i actually almost slept in. i have already done the first 45 minutes of the couple of hours of work i NEED to get done today, i have my dish for the feast cooling and waiting to go into the fridge and here i sit getting to contemplate the nature of my spirituality, before going out into this frigid morning to work out. certainly a full day to now!
as i said, today i GET to write about my spirituality, a topic that i most assiduously avoid talking about directly. oh, i make all sorts of asides and inferences and yet i very rarely come right out and say what it is and is not. the reading this morning speaks about meditation, and i am way on board with that, in fact ever since i started this transition between STEP TWO and STEP THREE, i have found meditating easier, more rewarding and i am capable of sitting down and shutting down for much longer than ever before. in my spiritual path, meditation is key, as i have come to believe that everything is part of a HIGHER POWER, the POWER that fuels my recovery, hence that POWER is comprised of everything. in this case the final result is much GREATER than the sum of IT's parts. in fact it is so much GREATER, that it is beyond my human capacity to even to begin to comprehend. my solution to the dilemma of not being to grasp the infinite? well not so long ago, it was to construct a box with limits i was comfortable with and shove a HIGHER POWER into that narrow definition. that way, i FELT like i had some control and that i could finally grasp what all of this spiritual stuff is all about. that worked for who i was back then and for quite a bit of time past those awkward first days of recovery. when it came time to do a THIRD STEP again, i could just redefine the box, just a bit larger and more encompassing, and move on. i stayed clean, i grew and most of all as i did so, i opened my mind to possibilities that i would never have considered in the past.
eventually as the box grew, so did i, and in my last step cycle, the box exploded and i finally became comfortable with a concept that was beyond my ken. even though i cannot grasp the full extent of the POWER that fuels my recovery, i can accept that IT does exist and IT does provide me the means to continue on this journey. as such, it is my job to be vigilant for what i am being told, and where i am being led, and most of all to be grateful for what i have, namely another day clean. it is through meditation, that i can ‘hear’ and feel this POWER in my life most directly, as i am way too busy living my mundane and worldly daily life. oh sure, others tell me what i NEED to hear, and i can and am learning to be present for such clues to the path today. it is however, through meditation that i get the most guidance, even if i actually hear nothing, i usually rise with all sorts of feelings about where to go and what to do and it the exercise in FEELING my way through to the THIRD STEP that is driving me nuts these days. i understand that this is what i NEED to do, and while it is tough to moving without any sense of direction with the exception of the destination, i am willing to continue. for some reason it just feels right and just for today i do believe i will go with that thought.
so have an excellent THANKSGIVING DAY, i know i will certainly do my best to have one.

∞ DT ∞