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something all of us have in abundance. when i share from my heart the truth of my experience, other addicts feel they can trust me because they know i am just like them. how can i be the funniest, the deepest, the most spiritual and the most engaging speaker at any meeting. i hate to say it, but that thought still runs through my head more often than i like it. of course my experience is not good enough after all i did not…
…and that is where i start to enter the part of me that i call my disease and leave the part of me that contains my recovery. because if my experience is not good enough than of course i am not good enough, and if i am not good enough than i am unique, and if i am unique than this program cannot work for me, so what is the point! so how fast that can spin into a session of self-abuse and i have a few days of actual recovery under my belt.
so when i discover that i am not the most engaging addict sharing at a meeting and decide the time to ‘spice up’ my share, i have no given power to the part of me where the disease of addiction resides, and i have no hope of sharing anything of consequence or value to anyone else, least of all myself. so the remedy to this problem is to know that i believe that i have some recovery and that my experience is as valuable as anyone else’s, and share what comes out of my heart and not what comes out of my head. after all it was my head that created the mess that brought me to recovery, and it was my head that resisted doing what i needed to do to find recovery and it is my head that will always find a loophole for me slide through, so i have to ignore my head when it comes to sharing and allow my heart to speak THUMP THUMP THUMP :)
so where am i today? well i am in an incredible space, moving through a Seventh Step in public is quite an experience and so far it is treating me well. so off to the races to see what little damage i can cause.

∞ DT ∞