Blog entry for:

i can be sure that my message will be helpful to others.
well what a twenty-four hours this has been! after losing my cell phone, which has become almost another limb for me, i get to blog two days in a row about sharing. yesterday about being honest about where i am when i share and not coloring my message through rose colored lenses and today about my sharing being more than good enough regardless of who and what has been shared previously in a meeting. the part of me that is my disease wants me to believe that i have nothing of value to offer, or if i share what is really going on, other members may judge me. i find that i often cave to that whisper, believing that what i am about to share is of such little consequence that i am better off not sharing at all. honestly though, it has been my experience that the only time i have nothing to share is when i engage in cross-talk, or even worse, rehearse my share over and over again in my mind, it i have polished just so. neither case is an honest from the heart sharing of my experience, strength and hope. so most of the time, i get caught in the internal chaos of arguing with myself, missing what has been shared and then beating myself up for not being present. by the time i finally let go, the meeting is over and once again i have not shared anything, and have probably missed something i needed to hear.
ah, the life of an addict in recovery, this fine whine has been building up for a time and i believe that it is only because i am where i am, that i am finally beginning to understand a bit about what goes on in the dank recesses of my mind, or perhaps not. what i am coming to think right here and now, is that what i am sharing here and what i am sharing with other addicts either in the rooms or one on one needs to match up a little better. so what i see my task of the day to be is to listen to the voice of recovery, if i attend a meeting allow GOD to speak through me, and quit worrying whether what i share is spiritual or entertaining or moving enough. simply put -- allow myself to be myself.
BTW i did find my phone this morning so the amputation was only temporary.

∞ DT ∞