โ every addict, even me, who are working an honest program โ
Posted: Fri, Mar 19, 2010 08:56:01 AM
has something of immense value to share, something no one else can give
their own experience, strength and hope.
yes, there are times when i stammer out a few words to share and then sit there for the rest of the meeting in wishing i my share was more… most of the time this is not the case. for me, what i usually wonder is if i rambled on about bumper stickers and clichés for too long and never shared any experience, strength and hope. there is a step for that, and i am more than likely not there today. today i am moving on from a first step and although that last part may be part of the insanity i am coming to believe i can be restored from, it is not what is on the top of stack ready to be popped off for this particular writing exercise.
quite honestly, even though i wrote on my 1st step, i was still lacking any focus for this step cycle, before i sat down with my sponsor last night. as we chatted about this and that, and we wove the theme of recovery and my FIRST STEP into our conversation it became clear where i was going. home about 8:30, but seriously, we did distill the experience of my last step cycle down to provide direction to where i am going, with his assistance in this step cycle, and as i sit here this morning it feels so natural that i wonder how i missed it. oh well, beating myself up about that, or wailing and gnashing my teeth will do nothing to move me forward, it is what it is, and it is a result of the entire experience last night that created the feeling of being on the right track that i left Golden with last night and is still resonating within this morning. the amazing part of this feeling is, that i do not remember ever feeling this way before last night. i know that is impossible, as more than once i had to have stumbled across feeling like everything was a perfect fit more than a few times in over 52 years of walking in this world. be that as it may, it seems that everything that has happened has led up to this slice in time, and something more is about to happen. that something more? i do not know, what i do know is what i will be setting as my focus of this step cycle, i know that for the first time i feel passionate about continuing the step process, not because some more sh!t needs to be scraped off, because something new is waiting to be revealed and polished up for everyday use. i also know that all of the decisions that i have made, regarding where my efforts to serve the fellowship that has brought me here, are correct and will be an integral part of this step cycle as well. so while i have my juices flowing, i do believe i will get back to work and see how present i can be for myself and those with whom i share my life and recovery with today.
their own experience, strength and hope.
yes, there are times when i stammer out a few words to share and then sit there for the rest of the meeting in wishing i my share was more… most of the time this is not the case. for me, what i usually wonder is if i rambled on about bumper stickers and clichés for too long and never shared any experience, strength and hope. there is a step for that, and i am more than likely not there today. today i am moving on from a first step and although that last part may be part of the insanity i am coming to believe i can be restored from, it is not what is on the top of stack ready to be popped off for this particular writing exercise.
quite honestly, even though i wrote on my 1st step, i was still lacking any focus for this step cycle, before i sat down with my sponsor last night. as we chatted about this and that, and we wove the theme of recovery and my FIRST STEP into our conversation it became clear where i was going. home about 8:30, but seriously, we did distill the experience of my last step cycle down to provide direction to where i am going, with his assistance in this step cycle, and as i sit here this morning it feels so natural that i wonder how i missed it. oh well, beating myself up about that, or wailing and gnashing my teeth will do nothing to move me forward, it is what it is, and it is a result of the entire experience last night that created the feeling of being on the right track that i left Golden with last night and is still resonating within this morning. the amazing part of this feeling is, that i do not remember ever feeling this way before last night. i know that is impossible, as more than once i had to have stumbled across feeling like everything was a perfect fit more than a few times in over 52 years of walking in this world. be that as it may, it seems that everything that has happened has led up to this slice in time, and something more is about to happen. that something more? i do not know, what i do know is what i will be setting as my focus of this step cycle, i know that for the first time i feel passionate about continuing the step process, not because some more sh!t needs to be scraped off, because something new is waiting to be revealed and polished up for everyday use. i also know that all of the decisions that i have made, regarding where my efforts to serve the fellowship that has brought me here, are correct and will be an integral part of this step cycle as well. so while i have my juices flowing, i do believe i will get back to work and see how present i can be for myself and those with whom i share my life and recovery with today.
∞ DT ∞