Blog entry for:

i will share my experience in recovery from addiction.
honestly, these days i am NOT the problem when it comes to sharing, IT IS EVERYONE ELSE! the cross-talking, the therapy, the affirmations and just plain garbage that i think i have been hearing, irks me to no end, so the real question is, when are they going to learn how to share!
well, with that in mind, i am reminded of my two a$$hole rule, encountering one in my day usually means that someone else is having a problem, two or more, well than it is usually me. the same rule seems to apply here. what i WANT is not always what i get and when, IMHO, i am not getting what i want, there must be someone else to blame. after all…
the truth? well that is always a relative topic, the truth is, they are sharing what they feel they need to share and it is up to me to glean the nuggets of information necessary for my continued recovery from their content.
which quite clumsily brings me back on to topic. when i was just a pop in recovery. members with clean time intimidated the fVck out of me, not because of their actions, because in my own head, i thought i had nothing to add. they were so, for lack of a better term, recovered, and all i could see in myself was addiction and self-will. i really took to heart the message i was getting to sit down, shut up and listen. although i now live in a kinder and gentler fellowship, than way back then, there are times when i still hear that admonition and wonder what it is i really do bring to the table. readings like this one, remind me, that i do have something of value to offer. after all, ONCE i got this, i have not had to use, regardless of the events that have comprised life on life's terms. i have fulfilled some dreams, i have been given a life that fulfills and challenges me, and i have set upon a spiritual path that has led me from th wasteland of active addiction. all it cost me was willingness to let go of my obsession with self and allow myself the creative freedom to find my path through recovery, with the guidance of those same members who i was a afraid of, back in the day. as i look back, even when i was just a pup, i had something to offer. i may never be a circuit speaker, but what i will always be is someone who has the ability to speak from my heart about what it takes this addict to recover today. the old days of sitting down, shutting up and listening, well that still can apply to me today, after all, when i stop learning i stop growing. most importantly my judgements of how others share their ESH, has to be let go of, at least IF i HOPE to continue to be a part of this fellowship, JUST FOR TODAY.

∞ DT ∞