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judge someone, is usually an overreaction to a part of me of which i am not overly fond. it is quite true, i am better than i once was, and chances are i will be even better tomorrow IF i continue to walk the path of recovery that has been set before me. it is also quite true that i have been and continue to be, from time to time, a judgemental son of a gun. the facts are plain and simple and i cannot nor will not attempt to rationalize or justify them in any way, shape or form. i can say, that this source material, has always provoked a strong emotional reaction in me, and although i tend to down play that sort of stuff, this morning was no different. instead of anger, rage, disappointment, shame or embarrassment, this morning i felt grateful. as odd as that may seem. as i walk through that feeling, i am certain that i will uncover something telling.
more than once, i have wished out loud that i was less judgemental. often, it is a peer that comes to my rescue by saying something such as there is a fine line between being judgemental and being discerning. i grew up in a time where i was taught to think for myself, question everything and if upon further examination it held up to be true, move on to the next thing. by further examination i do not mean a few echo chamber YouTube or TikTok videos. i mean actually looking at the evidence, for and against and discerning an answer. just because i believe the world is a oblate spheroid does not make it so, BUT the evidence is overwhelming in supporting that assertion. the same goes for my recovery. the evidence has been piling up for decades that for me, an addict to the core, this is the path for a better life, so i in my judgement., perhaps it is the path for others as well. one part of that path, is recognizing when i have strayed into behaviors that i may judge to be less than ideal. judging others, without evidence, is certainly one of those behaviors. this morning i am grateful that behavior acts as an early warning system of sort, alerting me to the fact that my own defects of character are about to erupt on the scene.
so there you have it, grateful for the ability to discern when i am moving into my total asshole mode and perhaps give me enough time to make a course correction. anyhow i have work to do, errands to run and a life worth living. just for today, i will pay attention to what i am feeling and doing, so i need not dive into the corrective part of my TENTH STEP, tonight.

∞ DT ∞