Blog entry for:

... and recovery can provide
what an excellent reading for me this morning, as i have been wallowing in the "poor me’s" for the past couple of weeks. i learned two weeks ago that i was unacceptable as a live liver donor because of the way GOD built the arterial circulation of my liver. had i gone through the procedure i would have been left with a single artery feeding what was left of my liver instead of the two vessels that are "NORMAL", and the surgeons that would actually be opening me up were not at all comfortable with that. the recipient on the other hand would have gotten three connections and would have had an extra chance for re-growing his new liver. of course, i had a whole bunch of feelings about this, relief that i was not the one, guilt over being relieved, anger that i was not acceptable and worst of all unworthiness.
as i was telling a close friend, who happens to call me his sponsor, the other night how we feel is often the result of how we CHOOSE to look at things. until the reading this morning i CHOSE to look at this as another example of how flawed i was.
what a load of shit!
without a program and some recovery, i would not have even offered to risk my life and my health for someone else no matter how close i was to them. without recovery i would have never made it as far through the process as i did, just short of getting opened up. without recovery i would not have had all the feelings or passions i have about this and other aspects of my life.
today, i am more accepting of the fact that i am only human and i can get crazy, make mistakes, take risks and learn how to do life. i am worthy and able to accept the gifts that life and recovery offer me today, and i choose to stay on this road one more day.
-- DT --