Blog entry for:

little world, safe but perhaps stifled, in order to live mistake free is not a trade-off i am willing to make. in the course of my recovery as well as ion active addiction, i believed that it was possible to be “perfect,” or at ;least more perfect that i currently was. making mistakes and owning my wrongs, is not something that warms the cockles of my heart, in fact if i could live in an active and dynamic life, without making a single mistake, i would be ecstatic. that however is just living in a fantasy, as a human being i will continue to make mistakes, day after day, until the day i shuffle off this mortal coil.
convention, always brings a lot of new ideas to my world, and today, after two dips into the convention pool over the past few days, is no different. this morning, as i prepare to get out for my weekly 10K, what is on my mind is how can i be the friend that i want my friends to be? i do not have a huge circle of friends and in the past, that was not one of my goals. while living in gaol of popularity may seem tempting, for this addict, it would certainly be a death sentence and a return to hiding in the shadows and projecting what i certainly wished i was. that is an unacceptable consequence PERIOD.
what i also uncovered was that my sponse and i disagree on how we see a few of our peers. that does not mean i am sponsor shopping, nor will i try and be the peacemaker in that rift, just as he has not attempted to be the peacemaker between me and his friend. the fact is, disagreement is part of every relationship and my sponse and i have not agreed on a whole lot of things, for quite a bit of time. that does not mean he is not the best sponsor in the world for me, it just means that we disagree, nothing more and certainly nothing less.
i could drop into a whole very judgemental thing and tower over all my peers in self-righteous indignation, but to what end. even though i post this little ditty on the interwebs, on a daily basis, this is an exercise for me to clear my head and move into my day. my sponse may be working to secure his legacy, but i am working to continue to expand my world. i may be over sixty-five but i am hardly ready to call it a day. i believe that i can continue to take positive action to make the next few years enjoyable and to remain physically and mentally active, but it does take a daily effort. a gift of my recovery is to live these days by being the best version of myself i can be, just for today.

∞ DT ∞