Blog entry for:

safe but perhaps stifled? Or do i wish to venture out into the unknown, take a risk, and reach for everything life has to offer? an interesting choice, and one that seems far from the topic at hand, namely that recovery would somehow make me perfect. once again, i am at this a bit early, pressed for time and this morning feeling a bit anxious. i am about to drive out to the Eastern plains of Colorado, to listen to a FIFTH Step from one of the men who honor me by calling me their sponsor. most of the time, i feel okay, even blessed by this opportunity, this morning there is a bit of trepidation on my heart. i know i have 3 hours to get into the right mind set, capture the willingness to listen with an open heart and allow myself to be a tool of recovery. i know all of this, and still there is something tugging at my heart. i have had a bit of a preview of what i will hear, due to the extraordinary circumstances of this relationship, and yet i am still hesitant to start this journey, there is FEAR in my heart this morning. oh what i am afraid is another story. is it i am afraid of hearing the rest of the story? or is it that my human nature will take over and i will not be able to be open-minded, compassionate and non-judgmental when i most need to be all of those things? will i not measure up to the task in front of me? or am i just trying to rationalize an excuse to stay within my comfortable world and not venture out to meet a commitment that i thought would never have to live up to fulfilling?
all that does not matter, what does matter is that i am now a bit more willing, to walk in FAITH, ask for the courage to face my FEAR and move into a new aspect with my isolated sponsee. i know that when the time comes, all i need to do is ask for the abilities to do the next right thing, and right now it is time to jump into the shower and get moving towards the rising sun. i do want more that a comfortable well-defined existence, and moving forward today is one way to help that come to fruition. so without further delay, off into a spiritual realm, beyond my wildest dreams i go.

∞ DT ∞