Blog entry for:

i trade my curiosity, my flexibility, and the room to grow.
i am not too crazy about this particular topic, as perfection was always something i tried to avoid. of i wanted to look like i was striving to BE perfect. i wanted to look perfect, but in my heart of hearts i was conditioned to accept i would always be imperfect and second best. if one wants to learn about the fine art of settling for less than, well all you have to do is ask, as i have literally decades of experience in that field. this morning i am seeing myself on a new road, not towards being perfect, but accepting that while i am not perfect, it does not mean i have to settle for less, period. when i do not attain my goal, i need to looks at several factors, before deciding it was unattainable anyways.
did i give it my best effort? at heart i am quite the lazy slob, and i often find that comes out in not so subtle ways, especially when i am trying to do something new.
did i have enough knowledge about what i was trying to do, to make an informed decision about what i expected as an outcome? most of the time, the assumptions i make, before thorough investigation come back to bite me in the butt. i often take on tasks and set goals, where i am clueless about what i need to know before i get started, because i want to look better than i am.
am i physically, mentally and emotionally capable of performing the task i am undertaking? this is really the hardest part for me, as i am an egomaniac with an inferiority complex, from time to time. practicing humility when evaluating my success and failures, is never easy. what it comes down to most of the time, is looking good, instead of being good, and that is the rub, i want to look so much better, yes perfect, than i really am, all the fVcking time, and the fact of life is that i cannot be perfect and looking like i am perfect is an exhausting proposition.
anyhow, the roads are slick, and it is fVcking freezing out there, so i better get rolling on down towards my latest endeavor. i need to start performing up to my capabilities and stop settling for less, after all, i may not be perfect, but i am certainly better than i have demonstrated to date.

∞ DT ∞