Blog entry for:

and means to handle ups and downs, twists and turns of living life in this chaotic world. it is not enough to live a program of recovery, striving to apply spiritual principles in all my affairs, these days. i also need to deal with the emotional, mental and physical turmoil that life throws at me on a daily basis. in times like these, i can see how a little drop of poison would be just the thing to step away from everything, for just a minute. the problem is, for me anyhow, one is too many and a thousand is never enough. i know that to be a true fact of my life and as a result, i am precluded from taking any sort of twenty minute vacation from reality, by CHOICE!
for me, as suggested by my source material, that daily twenty minute vacation from reality comes in the form of meditation. i am a firm believer in the therapeutic value of my daily exercise in mindfulness, and although it does not change the world around me, it certainly better prepares me to respond to that world rather than reacting to it. i still have to deal with disrespectful and over-entitled drivers, when i am exercising and when i am tooling around town. i still have to put the news of the day into perspective, especially when it is not to my liking. most importantly i need to deal with my feelings and thoughts in regards to those with whom i share my life. all of that was once enough of an excuse to use, as if i needed any excuses to use. today, i do more than grin and bear it, i adapt and see where i may have some personal power, that i can exercise. most of the time, tolerance and acceptance are the watchwords and i go back to what i felt as i sat in the void.
last night, in my TENTH STEP, i realized that the man who desired me to be his “virtual” sponsor may have been hung out to dry by my refusing to repeat a mistake i made. i let him know i was here to support him as a peer, as we will never be friends. i left out the last part, as i did not need to deepen any sort of wounds he may be feeling from my abrupt withdrawal from a relationship i was unwilling to foster. i cleaned up my side of that relationship, setting a boundary while giving him someone to dump on, when he needs to, and boy did he ever dump last night. at least it was not about how i abandoned him and all about what he “HAS TO” do to maintain the life style he has built for himself and his family. certainly not my stuff and i read his texts and responded appropriately. i am good with the events of last night and just for today, i am grateful that i have a path towards balance in my life.

∞ DT ∞