Blog entry for:

i need to remember why i have chosen them, and pay attention to the gifts those responsibilities bring. so i am certainly having problems getting started on this particular task this morning. i start, then i find something else to distract me, and then i come back to here again. so what is really up? well, for one, i have been in severely lazy mode over the past two weeks, i just do not feel like working, and i have found plenty to distract from the tasks at hand. i know that this has to do with the shortening of the days, as i am moved emotionally and physically by the length of available sun light. BUT that is simply an excuse, as this is part of me that i have come to accept and have in years past worked through without a hitch. so how is this year different? well, i playing that card for all it is worth. so looking at that particular behavior is something i am trying to avoid, and hence it makes sense that i am writing this in fits and starts, denial is not a river in Egypt, and is alive and active in me, even after some days clean. amazing, how easy this is flowing now that i have put my finger on my spiritual pulse. yes i want to retreat into some cave and hibernate until the sun comes back. boy what a life that would be. NOT! maybe for a bear or squirrel, but for me it is unfortunately not an option.
so i need to just persevere, and do the work i am being paid for and remember that although i would love to run and hide from my responsibilities, that is not something i NEED to choose to do, today. no today, right here and right now, i do believe i will se how much i can accomplish before i lay my head down to sleep tonight, and allow myself the luxury of forgiving myself if i do not accomplish everything that is on my plate. it is a good day, after all, to be alive and present in the REAL world.

∞ DT ∞