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is never an easy task for me. i am of the type that loves to whine on and on about how the weight of my responsibilities is becoming to much for me to bear any longer. what i am looking for is sympathy and what i usually get is "shut yer yap -- after all you were the one who chose to live life to its fullest."
and with that reminder i see in a heart beat that i am to blame for my pile of responsibilities, and there is probably not one i would choose to live without. complaining amount the size and scope of my responsibilities is very ironic, when i came to recovery i had absolutely none. i gladly gave away each of my responsibilities one by one so i could live in the illusion of freedom to use whenever and whatever i wanted. in fact i had even abrogated the responsibility of providing myself shelter and sustenance to the twelfth judicial district of the state of colorado.
my life today is certainly a bit different! not only have i taken over the responsibility of providing for myself, i have also decided to take on the responsibility of living this program of recovery. i know what power keeps me clean and i do my part in that partnership, just because i want to wake up tomorrow with the desire to choose another day in recovery.
so as i mull over my original premise, yes there is joy in responsibility, i am no longer a slave to the disease of addiction and i can be more than i ever was -- a trusted, productive, responsible member of the society in which i choose to live! my illusions of what it takes to be free have been shattered, and i know today that freedom does not come without a cost and that cost are the responsibilities i need to gratefully accept right here and right now. i can whine or i can smile and accept and i think i have already whined enough in this life!
∞ DT ∞