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and reasonable expectations, may seem like disparate notions, but when i am practicing being reliable, it is a reasonable expectation that i will suit-up, show-up and do what is expected of me. when i was in active addiction, being reliable was not part of my daily life, in fact if i showed up for something, it was exactly as the source material said, i was expecting something. it took a very long minute before i decided that i wanted to be someone one could rely on, and even a bit longer for those who knew to have reasonable expectation that i would do what i said i would do.
decades later, there are times when i still want to slip into that “have no expectations of, me and you will not be disappointed” mode. i know that comes from the part of me i call addiction and that is a DESIRE to let go of all responsibility for my life and my recovery and float through life on the whims of fate. no responsibility, i will not be blamed for anything, in fact, everything that happens, good, bad indifferent, have the blame quickly placed at the feet of someone or something else. barring that, there is always GOD to blame, after all look what GOD did to Job to win a bet and prove a point. i often wonder how those who follow that spiritual path can trust a HIGHER POWER, who would capricious destroy the life of one of their most pious brethren. it is a good thing i have walked away, far away from that path and found a spiritual path that fits me a whole lot better.
moving into the right now, it i time to post this, finish my laundry and head on out to the local brick and mortar cigar store for an afternoon of football and conversation on all sorts of topics, politically correct or not. i can be reliable without being boring. i can show up without being stuffy and i can suit up to fit whatever activity i will be engaging in today. just for today, it is not an unreasonable expectation to see me where i say i will be.

∞ DT ∞